Congratulations

Hollow. Cracked. Loathsome.

28 May 2010

I am beginning to think I will never be just happy. I always have this sadness that lingers. It grips me in a way I cannot shake off. There are days I feel completely hollow. Even when I feel its gone, I know it will be back. I think about a lot of things. I question the ever so cliche "why me?". I am really trying to come to terms and accept that this is just me (now). Maybe if I do, I will be ok.

I have always had this horrible feeling I won't live past 35...Sometimes it terrifies me. Right now, I don't care if I do. Maybe the hurt will cease then.

I fucked up

I messed up. Real bad. Where is the hard re-boot button?

Wait. No I didn't. I made a choice. A choice I believed was right. Why should I regret that choice because at this moment in time I feel like I am in the dumps?

There are no right or wrong answers. Just consequences that lead to more decisions that lead to more consequences.

I am speaking in riddles and I know years from now, I won't know what the hell I was talking about.

Doot doot doot

Another weekend gone. Time is flying. MUST. DO. MORE. STUFF.

I think I need to watch less Firefly though. I have picked up a bad habit of watching too much tv. I used to be pretty good. I had max of 2 shows. Now I am up to 6!

- Dollhouse (Joss Whedon is a GENIUS)

- True Blood

- Dexter (after I catch up)

- 30 Rock (after I catch up)

- The Office (after I catch up)

Hmm...I thought it was 6. Oh and there are the shows that ended or I ended lol

- Heroes (I cannot watch this show anymore. It became too looney for me)

- Battlestar Galactica (this ended. I was sad.)

This is my attempt at a happy post since I realized all my past ones are SO EMO. lololol

Bored

I went to the beach today. It was nice. I went with a bunch of people from 'dyne. I don't even know why I did. Maybe out of boredom. This was a less than par weekend. It's not like there isn't anything to do but it sucks to do stuff alone, you know?

I'm so awkward.

I was talking to Neal the other night. I agree with him. I just want to mean everything to someone. Sexuality aside. I want to be needed.

I feel like I am baring my soul on here. So I am going to stop before I spiral out of control.

It's probably saying crap like this that makes my mother worry about me...

Indescribable

I hate myself for being weak.

Memorable.

It doesn't matter.